JAMES

James was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He says "James, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my trousers and gave them to your mother, and said, 'Here darling, try these on.
So, she did and said, Well sweetie they're a little too big, I can't wear them.' So I replied,...exactly. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.
Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," says James. He thinks that might be a good thing to try. So, on his honeymoon James takes off his trousers and says to Jill, "Here babe, try these on."
So she does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me."
So James says, "...exactly. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will & don't you ever forget that.
Then Jill takes off her trousers and hands them to James and says, "Here, you try on mine."
So he does and says, "I can't even get into your trousers."
So Jill says,"...exactly. And if your attitude doesn't change, you never will!

CONSTRUCTION WORK

A German, a Mexican, and an Irishman were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the German said, "Sausages! If I get sausages one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The Irishman opened his lunch and said, "Corned beef and cabbage. If I get a corned beef and cabbage sandwich one more time I'm jumping, too."
The next day the German opens his lunch box, sees sausages and jumps to his death.
The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps, too. The Irishman opens his lunch, sees the Corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death, also.
At the funeral the German's wife is crying. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of sausages I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also cries and says "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Irishman's wife.
"Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He made his own lunch!"